I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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