I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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