Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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