It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
