he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
