Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
