I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
