oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
