ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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