3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
