mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
