THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
