Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
