if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I AM VODKA MAN
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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