Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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