i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
