Are we in a gay sports bar?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
