Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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