Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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