tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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