And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
