My liver just broke up with me...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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