it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
