We're like a lot better than the average bears
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
we should paint friendship bongs
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