the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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