come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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