I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
