it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
