Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
