U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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