You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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