If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
