the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
