She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
