You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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