If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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