all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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