Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
