she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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