Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She even gives head with a lisp.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
