we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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