Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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