I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
