so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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