Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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