she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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