i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
