So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
