It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's never too late to be topless.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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