there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
