Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
