she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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